When it rains, it pours; most people are familiar with this phrase. It’s what we use to describe the inertia of negative circumstances building and snowballing. Can you think of the equivalent phrase used to describe the opposite, the experience of positive inertia? “Just look at the bright side,” “turn lemons into lemonade,” or “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” might come to mind, but those all build on turning a negative into a positive. What about turning a positive into even more positives? Why is that not more commonplace? If momentum can swing us one way or the other on the pendulum of professional success, how can we keep the dichotomy of inertia positioned in a positive direction?

Habits

Let’s start with a common misnomer – that it takes 21 days to create a habit. If we want to focus on replicating positive momentum, we must start with an understanding of what it takes to get into a consistent pattern. The origination of the 21-day theory stems from plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz. In the 1960s, Maltz released the best-selling book Psycho-Cybernetics. In it, he shares that a unique pattern occurred in his surgery patients; when the surgery resulted in an altered appearance, it took the patient around 21 days to get used to seeing their altered complexion. He also observed this in patients who had lost a limb; it would take them around the same amount of time to not feel the phantom limb before adjusting to their new situation.

Maltz’s book focused on a mind and body connection and the power of self-affirmation and mental visualization techniques. Many of his findings and the book itself were absorbed into areas of personal development in which some of the very trainers and motivational speakers focus who we know today: Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy and Tony Robbins. However, this theory morphed from the idea that it takes 21 days to create a habit. It’s like that game of telephone; the end story has become somewhat distorted.

In 2009 Phillippa Lally, a psychology researcher at University College London, published a study on how habits are formed. She sought out to identify how long it takes to form a habit in the real world and by doing everyday tasks. The study looked at simple acts that people could incorporate into their daily lives such as drinking a bottle of water at lunch or running for 15 minutes before dinner.

Her findings? On average it took more than two months before a new behavior became automatic; 66 days to be exact. Her study went on to say that it could be anywhere between 18 to 254 days – upwards of 8 months to start and stick with a new habit!

The punchline? It takes a much longer period of time for a new habit to become your new normal.
Why is that critical to this topic? We must not regard any of the following suggestions as quick-fixes, but rather as a journey to create a completely different mindset associated with maintaining a perpetually positive inertia. Although this analysis of the dichotomy of inertia can span all facets of life, this article will focus on the professional opportunities that exist for emphasis on the positive.

Autopsy

Within the workplace, it is common to diagnose negative circumstances. A key employee left the organization, a prospective client was lost, or the department failed to hit quarterly targets are all examples of situations in which individuals will convene to discuss what was missed, what could have been done differently, and how to avoid replicating in the future.

Have you ever done an autopsy on something that didn’t die?

How much time is dedicated to discussing what has kept individuals at your firm? Brainstorming on what unique differentiators you have that allowed you to land a key account? Not just celebrating the achievement of a quarterly target, but breaking down at a granular level what each team member did to contribute to the success of the department? Although mistakes are our teachers, a great deal can be done to learn from success. If you want to create a long-term shift in perspective being of a positive nature, it requires a shift in the focus of experience.

Commitments Versus Goals

An object in motion stays in motion; how is that applied within a professional setting? Consider breaking achievements into two categories – commitments and goals. A commitment is a level that is attainable; one to be celebrated and which took some effort to get to. But how do we keep the motion of achievement in motion? The next level is the goal; the stretch milestone that might be seemingly impossible to attain but is in fact doable. Delineating between the two creates a space for further momentum beyond what is expected and perpetuates the positive force of an accomplished objective.

Words Matter

As a leader, it is our responsibility to help others understand that words have power; the way we say things matters. One could complain, “I am being bombarded with emails” or one could ask for suggestions for technology tools and effective time management.

I have to go to this team meeting = I get to go to this team meeting because I have a team dedicated to learning and living up to their fullest potential

I have to get this proposal to our client = I want to get this proposal to our client because they trust us to solve a problem they cannot solve on their own

I have to get caught up on emails = I want to get caught up on emails as I have knowledge and insight that others are relying on me to share with them

I have to take the kids to practice = I get to take the kids to practice as I am fortunate to have a family and resources to help them live a full, varied life

We have the freedom to choose our actions, our profession, our financial needs, and the path of our life. Each interaction is one step on the journey to create a transformed mindset associated with maintaining a perpetually positive inertia.

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Whether you have a great relationship with your boss or there’s room for improvement, there are some things you should never say in their presence. It’s important to have their trust and respect, so don’t say anything to make them doubt or question your capabilities. Here are three things you should never say to your boss, and what you should say instead.

“I Don’t Know”

While you cannot know everything and your boss understands this, it’s important to express confidence and competence. Don’t use your time together to express doubt or confusion. If there is a question you can’t answer, tell your boss you will do some research and find out the answer. Alternatively, you can ask your boss follow-up questions so you can learn more about the question.

“I’m Tired”

It is common to feel tired, especially on a Monday morning or when you’re working diligently on an important project. However, it isn’t professional to talk about it with your boss. It gives the impression you don’t want to be there. Instead, find a way to energize yourself so you can maintain a positive attitude. Feeling tired frequently may mean you need to practice better self-care to achieve a balance.

“I’ll Get to That Tomorrow”

Don’t give the impression that you’re procrastinating or not doing the work. If you do have a lot on your plate for your day, you should ask your boss to clarify what the priorities are. Don’t assume that the task can wait until the next day. Perhaps, the priorities have shifted, and this is a task that needs to be completed right away. It’s always best to ask for more information instead of brushing the task off as unimportant.

What to Say Instead: Why? Tell Me More. How So?

Show your boss that you have a healthy dose of curiosity. Also show them that you care about understanding what’s expected of you and the priorities at hand. Asking for more information or for clarification is a strong sign of maturity. Things like “Tell me more” or “How so?” demonstrate that you’re seeking more details. Being well-informed will help improve with time management and prioritizing.

Especially if you have a friendly boss, it can be easy to forget they’re your superior. Your words matter. What you say can affect your career. Certain things can cause your boss to question your commitment to the job or whether you have the right personality for the role.

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A world-renowned athletic coach was asked once what the difference was between the best athletes and everyone else. In other words, what do really successful people do that most people don’t? Of course, there were the typical responses of genetics, luck, and talent. But there’s an added element that most don’t think of; it’s the ability to handle the boredom and grind of training every day and doing the same lifts and drills over and over again that separates the professionals from the amateurs.

Think about it this way – it’s not that the best athletes have some insane passion or willpower that others don’t have; it’s the exact opposite. They can feel the same boredom and lack of motivation that everyone else feels; they aren’t immune to the daily grind. What sets them apart is their commitment to the process. They fall in love with the daily practice, with the repetition, and with the plan in front of them.

Therefore, if you want to be a starting quarterback, you have to be in love with running drills and studying playbooks. If you want to be a New York Times bestseller, you have to be in love with the process of writing. If you want to get in better shape, you have to love the practice of eating in a healthier manner and exercising consistently.

You have to love the grind if you ever hope to turn it into the achievement of a goal.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Though some of the following may not be true all of the time, when you love the process of what you do, the following should ring true much of the time:

• You don’t talk about other individuals; you talk about the great things other individuals are doing.
• You help without thinking, or without being asked.
• You don’t struggle to stay disciplined; you struggle to prioritize.
• You’re excited about the job you are doing, but you’re more excited about the people you’re doing it with.
• You leave work with items on your to-do list that you are eager to tackle tomorrow.
• You think, “I hope I get to…” instead of, “I hope I don’t have to…”

You don’t focus on retirement, because retirement sounds boring – and a lot less fulfilling.

Now, there is a chance that our society may have overdone the need for the above to be true all of the time. We have been told that if you do what you love, the money and success will follow. We have been told that if you are not changing the world in bold ways, it is because you are too afraid to find your passion and follow it.

The Pursuit of Value

Author Cal Newport has emerged as one of the more vocal critics of the only-do-what-you-love movement, and says it is time to end the professional guilt trip. In his book, So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Newport argues that following one’s passions can be a dead end. He maintains that it’s better to identify which skills you have that could be unique and valuable in the workplace, and then hone those skills until you have career capital that you can spend in the way you choose.

Developing career capital requires a carefully balanced mix of deliberate action and patience. If you are in a self-directed professional environment and are responsible for carving your own path, take responsibility for the direction in which you are heading – and what you need from others to get there. Do not wait for someone to come along who can help; be proactive in seeking out those who can provide mentorship and guidance along the way.

If you are responsible for developing career capital in others, incorporate this exercise in ongoing or annual reviews. Always be aware of the following question: “What am I doing to help others identify their competitive advantages, and how am I providing opportunities for those strengths to turn into eventual career capital?”

Outsourcing

Most roles have tasks that are required to engage in repeatedly; knowing the natural progression of a profession is essential. How many partners at a law firm still do all their own research? Does a surgeon want to spend more time in surgery, or in pre-op or post-op care? In these examples, practitioners outsource the less challenging work to junior staff that is not only capable of performing the work at a lower cost but also challenged by the work itself. What is the natural progression of your profession, and have you done a successful job of institutionalizing outsourcing?

Within a physician’s office, the nurse practitioner facilitates exams, the nurse checks blood pressure, and the scheduling department makes appointments. Each of those tasks are important but will neither provide the doctor with the challenge they need nor the financial rewards necessary to justify their time. In the case of lawyers, they have paralegals, legal secretaries, and associate lawyers they entrust. The lesson we can learn from both is that outsourcing certain tasks to other team members is not only more financially rewarding but also allows for greater challenges. Be aware of when the grind is necessary in the achievement of a goal and be aware of when the grind must be alleviated in order to avoid turnover or burnout.

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Every executive assistant wants to be a great leader, but for most people leadership skills don’t come automatically. There are many obstacles to becoming an outstanding leader, including fear, self-doubt, and indecision. These six books on leadership are great resources for any executive assistant (or executive) looking to improve their leadership skills.

It’s Okay to Manage Your Boss by Bruce Tulgan

As an executive assistant, the relationship you have with your boss is the most important determining factor for success in the role. These days executives don’t provide the same level of guidance they did in decades past. This book will help you get the most of the relationship between you and your boss. Learn how to ask for the resources needed to excel in a high-stress job and help you understand the expectation for the executive/executive assistant relationship.

The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday

In this book, Holiday discusses how to turn obstacles into part of your success story. Holiday applies stoicism to everyday life to help people become more successful in everything they do. He argues that the ability to endure trials and show perseverance matters more than intelligence or talent.

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success by Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman

Dethmer and Chapman outline 15 practices that will help people make the shift away from fear-based leadership toward trust-based leadership. This guide will help in avoiding the blame game, speaking more candidly with your team members, and letting go of the fears and anxieties that often prevent them from being great leaders.

Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

This New York Times bestseller discusses what it means to lead in modern society. Brown makes the case that leadership requires having empathy, bravery, and the willingness to have tough conversations.

Breaking Normal by Daniel Eisenman

In this book, Eisenman highlights exercises and practices that help people break free of self-imposed imprisonment and guides them on a journey of personal growth. This book can help with limiting the beliefs, preconceptions, fears, and harmful patterns that hold you back from becoming a better leader.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now is a spiritual guide to living in the present. Often, the thing that prevents people from personal growth is the ego, which calls people to seek out and fixate on painful experiences. This book will help you let go of the past and the things you cannot change, and, instead focus on what you can change.

For most people, becoming a good leader involves a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. These six books can help you learn what it takes to be a leader, learn how to overcome the obstacles to good leadership, and learn how to embrace responsibility and personal growth.

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“Tell me about a time when you failed, and what you learned from that experience.” Think of the most successful employees you’ve ever worked with, the individuals you’ve mentored who excelled the most, or the leaders you’ve studied who seem to achieve every goal they set for themselves. Undoubtedly, a common thread between them all will be that those individuals have the strength to learn why they failed, what to do in the future to succeed, and the willpower to get back on the horse and try again. But what exactly is it that leads one person to try again when others just give up? True grit.

Industrial and organizational psychologists have spent decades researching this very subject. Angela Duckworth, assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania, and her research focuses on a personality trait she calls “grit.” She defines grit as “sticking with things over the very long term until you master them.” She writes that, “the gritty individual approaches achievement as a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina.”

Success and Talent

What causes an individual to experience significant success? The obvious answer: success is about talent. Successful people can do something – hit a golf ball, dance, trade stocks, write a blog – better than most anyone else. This answer begets another question: What is talent? How did that person get so good at hitting a golf ball or trading stocks? Although talent can appear to be based on inheritance, it turns out that the intrinsic nature of talent may be overrated.

The problem is that a major contradiction exists between how we measure talent and the causes of talent. In general, we measure talent using tests of maximum performance. Imagine tryouts for most any sports team; players perform in short bursts under conditions of high intensity and motivation. The purpose of the drills is to see what players are capable of and determine their potential. The problem with these drills is that the real world is not set up for short bursts of work ethic under conditions of high motivation. Instead, professional success requires sustained performance, spending hours upon hours perfecting your craft, deliberately and methodically staying the course during times of frustration or exhaustion.

In his book, Self-Made in America, John McCormack references a trait studied by Kathy Kolbe: conation. Conation is “the will to succeed, the quest for success, the attitude that ‘to stop me you’ll have to kill me,’ that elusive ‘fire in the belly’ that manifests itself in drive, enthusiasm, excitement, and single-mindedness in pursuit of a goal – any goal. All consistently successful people have it. Many well-educated, intelligent, enduring, and presentable people don’t have it.”

Interviewing for Grit

A segment of the workforce is made up of smart people who aren’t high achievers, and others who achieve a lot without having the highest test scores. In one study, Duckworth found that smarter students actually had less grit than their peers who scored lower on an intelligence test. This finding suggests that people who are not as bright as their peers “compensate by working harder and with more determination.” And their effort pays off: The grittiest students, not the smartest ones, had the highest GPAs.

So how can we start to understand an applicant’s or an employee’s grit? Try some or all of these questions to identify the trait:

• What experiences do you feel had the most impact in shaping who you are today?
• Share with me the details of a time when you stayed with an idea or project for longer than anyone expected you to.
• Tell me about some of the obstacles you have had to overcome to reach your present position.
• Give me an example of a time when you had to finish a job even though everyone else had given up.
• Describe a time when you were asked to complete a difficult task or project where the odds were against you. Were you successful? What did you learn from the experience?
• What goal have you had in your life that took you the longest to achieve? What did you learn from that experience
• Describe how you set your goals for the last year and how you measured your work. Did you achieve your goals? Why or why not?
• Give me an example of a time you made a major sacrifice to achieve an important goal.
• Give me an example of how you have taken control of your career.
• What has been the biggest obstacle you’ve overcome in life? What about in your career?
• When you found yourself faced with that obstacle, what steps did you take to begin the process of overcoming this challenge?

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